Progress is not linear
“Progress is not linear” is THE mantra for me these days. It is an obvious veritas, but it isn’t until recently that I accepted it. I am sure there were many chances in my life where I could’ve learned that truth. I had been in denial for a long time and maybe even thought I was exempt.
This bent reality is the result of me mostly choosing paths that I knew I had the highest chance of achieving relative excellence, quickly. There are probably multiple factors behind the tendency I developed, but the big one is that I grew up in a cultural and familiar environment where there is always a sense of urgency for standing out in the crowd and earning prestigious titles as well as fear of not meeting the society’s standards of success.
Despite genuinely enjoying physics and math, I chose liberal arts as opposed to science and math as my focus in high school (Korean high school used to make students choose their focus, which dictated courses they took as well as college admission process) just because I had better grades in history and language, which I honestly didn’t care much for. I decided to get a masters in simultaneous interpretation, because I knew I had a competitive edge among other candidates in the field, already being bilingual and having majored in Journalism in an english-speaking country. In fact, they were strategically successful moves. But the series of these choices that prioritized relative excellence than a genuine interest got me to a place with little joy. I eventually hit a wall five years ago in my late 20s and started going to therapy.
For years, with the help of therapy, I have slowly practiced investing time in things that had little to do with societal success. I have to admit it’s still not easy. I would pick up a new hobby just to have fun, realizing I can’t (with a little bit of exaggeration) be best in the world at it the next day and quickly lose joy and interest. I know it sounds dumb, but it is a cycle that painfully repeats over and over, discouraging me from trying again.
My piano teacher (thanks again @sophiavastek if you ever happen to run into this post haha) said something on the lines of “progress is not linear,” when I was frustrated at myself for playing a part of music that I thought I was already comfortable with. The simple fact just all of sudden made a lot of sense when put into perspective.
It turns out that most paths—hobby, skill, career, personal life—are like that. I had just cherry-picked and pursued paths I knew I would do well, fast. And I was lucky that many worked out that way. Life is fucking complicated, and I am not some AI model that can be trained for an X number of hours to consistently produced an expected level of results.
It’s been a non-linear, bumpy road, but I think I moved a needle for myself around choosing what I “want” versus “should.” I’ve played the piano for almost a year now, and I am feeling optimistic about this new passion for floristry that it will last and take me to a place where I will be excited to be in. Also, this is the fifth blog post in one week. Ha!
I was so frustrated that my arrangement yesterday (left) was so ugly. Man, I was pretty proud of myself with the one I made the day before (right) though. What happened? Progress is not linear.
