Owning my creative decisions
Near the end of July, 2022, I started taking piano lessons again after many years. Let’s see… I think the last time was around when I was 15, so 17 long years have passed. It sounds impossible to me how long ago it actually was.
I forgot when I first started learning to play the piano, but I remember being tiny—maybe 7 or 8. (Fact check pending on my mom at the time of publishing this post. She called to confirm that I was 7.) So I had taken piano lessons and practiced regularly for about 8 years. But I now realize that during that 8 years of diligence, I never really knew how to express myself through music.
When I first started taking lessons (with wonderful @sophiavastek), I kept looking for answers and instructions to “how I am supposed to” play the piece. That was how I learned to play the piano as a child. There was always an interpretation of the piece the teacher had already determined, and if I played differently, I was corrected. But Sophia’s teaching is different. I am given a room to interpret the music myself and even some sense of responsibility to own my creative decision.
It is not until recently that I understood what to do with the newly given ownership. I have been working on Hisaishi Joe’s Merry-Go-Round of Life for many weeks now to play at the upcoming student recital. While I have gotten fairly used to the notes, I was still making way too many mistakes especially when I simulate performing in front of people. The piece is pretty long, and I often found myself distracted with most random thoughts. I realized the part of reason is that I wasn’t playing the music with any intention. Sure, I had ideas like “let’s play this part tender to create a contrast with next part,” which is merely technical. The “why” was missing—why should that part be tender besides that it has p.
Only yesterday, I tried making up a story to match the music. I imagined a Merry-Go-Round slowing down for people to enter and find a horse they like. The accented, descending dyads would mean that the gate is closing. The ascending roll of a major chord that follows means the Merry-Go-Round is starting. Then the main theme starts as a romantic background music for the crowd on board to enjoy the ups and downs of the horses and carriages…You get the idea.
The tactic worked instantly. Rather than wandering, my mind followed the imageries playing in my head in sync with the music. The imageries helped my brain make up its mind around how I should play each note. Then I realized, ‘Oh shit! this is what it means and feels like to interpret the music on my own.’
This realization means a lot, because now I can apply it to other creative pursuits. Allowing myself to make creative decisions made me a better piano player. I am cautiously excited to try the same with my other passions like flower arrangement or decorating my apartment. If you are reading this, would you mind coming back to see and tell me if they improved? I will start sharing!
